“I know how you feel. My husband was away for nearly a week on business last month.”
............Although, well intended, a short business trip is NOTHING like experiencing the weight of a deployment, which can last from six to fifteen months.
“I know how you feel, I was a single mom.”
.............The wife does stay alone and care for things, but a single mom does not have to worry about a husband being in danger.
“I understand what you are going through, I watch the show Army Wives.”
............The show Army Wives is not a reality show; it is a TV drama that is meant to mimic what writers believe to be true.
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“I couldn’t deal if my husband left that long.”
............Hearing this is not a compliment. The wife does not have a choice to “deal,” and, often times, they don’t know how they get through either; they just do it because they honor and love their husband.
“Well you only have 9 months left. The rest is easy now.”
.............Having a portion of the deployment completed does not make the rest of the separation easier.
If he is in Iraq, “At least he is not in Afghanistan.” OR If he is in Afghanistan, “At least he is not in Iraq.”
.............Regardless of his location for the deployment, he is still in danger and still separated from his family.
“Do you miss him?”
“Are you excited he is coming home?”
“Are you scared he will die?”
..............On the off chance that the spouse has taken her mind off these thoughts, you have now changed that.
“But he’ll be home for Christmas, right?”
..............Military personnel do not get to leave their assigned deployment for Holidays. They are granted only two weeks of vacation to leave and visit their family. Only a fraction of them can visit home at any given time, including holidays.
“You knew what you signed up for when you married a Marine.”
“You knew that he would be deployed.”
.............Military spouses do not marry the military; they marry the man or woman that they love who happens to be in the military. No one can ever describe to you what the weight of a deployment is like or “what you are signing up for”.
“I am glad my husband isn’t in the military, because he could die.”
...........Believe it or not, people who aren’t in the military still die.
"If you truly supported your husband, you would be protesting so..he wouldn’t have to deploy again/could be brought home/the war would end."
..........Really? My definition of support must be much different than the definition of support by these people. Supporting my husband means supporting him in what he does and what he believes in. It does not mean disrespecting the men and women who volunteered to defend our country and our rights. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have the right to protest in the first place. I’m certainly not putting myself in a position where it could be construed as anything other than 100% support for our troops and their families.
"I can’t believe your husband did this to you. Aren’t you mad at him?"
........Um, what?! My husband didn’t do anything to me. He honors his agreements and he follows the orders of his superiors. There’s certainly nothing sad or maddening about having a husband who fulfills his commitments. Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m proud of my husband and I completely support him.
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